Difficult To Love
by KibaGurl08
Summary: Kiba has taken in a girl off the streets. he finds himself slowly falling in love with her, but she can't give him the same love in return. what is this horrible past experience she remembers that makes it difficult for her to love?


"Get out you worthless runt! And don't come back you little thief!" yells the shop clerk as he throws you out onto the concrete path outside. The rain pours onto your body, making you colder then you already were. You drag yourself off the ground, clenching the graze on your arm.  
As the shop door slams shut you walk to the nearest bus shelter, hoping that you could stay there the night. You are freezing, and the old torn clothes you are in aren't keeping you warm at all. You sit under the shelter, hugging your knees tightly against your chest. The rain continues to pour and you find yourself shaking continually. "What have I did wrong..." you whisper quietly to yourself as you lie down on the icy bus bench.

The Next Morning... 

"Hey, are you ok?" a voice says from in front of you. You open your eyes suddenly to find a guy with a little white dog looking at you with a concerned expression on his face. As he reaches his arm towards you, you jump up abruptly, and hop off the bus bench.

"Uh, sorry, I didn't mean to take up the seat... I'll leave you alone..." you say as you quickly walk out of the bus shelter. You cough violently, and grab your throat to try and ease the pain.

"Hey, wait!" he says as he follows you out. "You don't sound too good, are you ok?" he asks as he walks behind you. You stop and turn around to face him.

"I'm fine..." you reply, as you swallowed. But the truth is, you aren't fine. Your throat aches and you haven't eaten in days. You have a horrible cold from sleeping on the streets in rainy weather and have no proper clothes to keep you warm. The voices in your head aren't helping your mood either...

"Well you don't look ok to me." He replies as he rests his hand on his dogs' head. "I'm kiba, and I know you are probably a bit confused to see a stranger talk to you but you look a little sick."  
He takes a step towards you, and you take a step back.

"What do you want? I have nothing to give you so if you're after money or something you have to take it from someone else..." you say as you grip your stomach.

"No, i don't want to take anything away from you!" he says with a slight frown on his face. "I want to help you."

You glance at him. _He wants to help me? No one even bothers to see me yet alone help me..._

"But why?" you say quietly. He places his hands in his pockets and looks at you softly.

"Because I want to."

You nod your head. He smiles gently, and says for you to follow him. You cautiously trail behind him, not getting to close. As you reach his house, he invites you in. You hesitate, and nervously look at him.

"Its ok, I'm not going to hurt you. You can trust me." he says kindly.

You decide to go in, and look at the room around you. It is filled with photos of what seems to be his family, and there is a TV and lounges.

"You have a nice house..." you say timidly. He laughs, and puts his hands behind his head.

"It's nothing flash, it's actually kind of crappy compared to other houses in the village." he says.

"Well it beats a bus shed..." you mumble, not meaning for him to hear. He must of herd you, as his smile fades.

"Sorry..." he replies. "Did you want some warm clothes?" he asks as you sit on the lounge. "I don't have any girl ones, but I have a jacket if you would like it."

You nod your head and fidget at your torn pants. As he walks back into the room, he hands you a black jacket and you put it on.

"Thanks" you say as you take the jacket out of his hands. _This guy is really nice._

"It's ok, don't mention it. So, is it ok if I ask what you name is?" he asks.

You look up at the guy beside you and find yourself looking into his eyes. You quickly glance away though and loose the contact. "I'm raydelle..." you reply. You look up again, and this time hold the eye contact.

"Raydelle... that's a nice name." He says. "I know we only just met, but is it ok if I asked why you were sleeping at a bus stop?"

You glance down once again, embarrassed that he found you sleeping in the street. "I don't have a home.... and I guess that's the best I could find. You must think I'm some kind of criminal or something...." you say as your voice trails off.

"Of course not, Why would I think that? From what I've gathered from you so far, I think you're a nice girl." He replies, as you force a tiny smile.

"Thank you." you reply as you start to relax.

__For the next 3 hours, you talk and have something to eat. You also go for a shower and change into some of his clothes that he leant you. "You look cute." He says as you walk into the room. You smile, and sit down next to him. You didn't realise that you are blushing, until he picks it out.

"Are you blushing?" he asks with a smirk on his face.

"WH-What? No, I'm just.... I'm not blushing!" you say nervously. You smile slightly, and when you stop you begin to speak again. "Thank you for doing this..." you say. He looks gently at you, and runs his hand through his hair. 

"Doing what?" he asks.

"You know, taking me in and giving me some clothes. I appreciate it." You reply. He smiles at you and says that it was fine. "Did you need a place to stay tonight?" he added."You can stay here if you'd like."

You look up at him with a confused expression.

"But... Why?" you reply.

"Because, I don't want to see you out there on the streets again."

"But you only just met me... surly you don't want a stranger staying in your house with you..."

"Don't be stupid- I would rather take that chance then see you getting hurt and sick on the streets. My mum has gone on a mission for a few days so I don't mind if you stay." 

You force a tiny smile and look around the room. The place did beat living in the streets, and maybe it wouldn't be so bad if you stayed here until you got back on your feet.

"I'd like that." You reply sweetly. He smiles back and starts to make up a mattress for you on the lounge room floor. By now it's about 9:30 (PM) and you decide to go to bed. He finishes setting up your blankets and goes to get you a pillow.

"Thanks again for doing this," you say. "It means a lot."

He smiles gently. "It's my pleasure. I just have one question to ask..."

"Yeah, what is it?" you say curiously.

"Do you mind if i ask you... why you are homeless? I mean, you're a beautiful girl and by looking at your movements, i can tell you're a fighter. How did you end up in this situation?" he asks shyly.  
You glance down at the ground, picking at the sheets on the bed.

"I...I don't really want to talk about it..." you say, trying to hold back tears.

"Oh, I get it... you've had a bad experience... sorry, i didn't mean to upset you, and you have only just met me so i don't expect you to tell me anything." He says, obviously feeling bad for his question.

"It's ok, you didn't know..." you say. "Do you think..."

"Do I think what?" he replies.

"Do you think you could spend the night out here- with me? I mean, you don't have to..."  
"Of course, if that's what you want." He says with a smile.

You start to feel more comfortable being around him, and notice that you have smiled more since you arrived at his house then you have in the past 3 months. He pulls up a blanket and decides to sleep on the lounge next to you, and as you slowly start to drift off, you try to block out the screaming voices in your head. The words useless, ugly and pathetic echo through your mind as you here him whisper "Good night Raydelle."

Chapter 2 – back on track

You wake up to the smell of bacon and eggs. Wow, that smells great!  
"Morning Ray," says kiba from the kitchen. "Did you want some breakfast?"  
You smile shyly and nod. You were so thankful that this guy has taken you in; it is so sweet of him. As you make your way to the kitchen, you notice how good looking he was; his brown hair, piercing eyes and sweet smile- and who could forget his body? But there was no way you could tell him, you are too shy. You weren't brought up around many people, and you have an awfully low self esteem. 

"How did you sleep?" he asks. You pull your long brown hair back into a pony tail and rub your eyes. 

"Uh, ok I guess. Much better than on the streets..." you reply. He serves you out some breakfast and you eat it all. It was really, really good.

"Thanks for that, it was really nice." You say sweetly. As you both make your way into the lounge room, he walks closely beside you. You both sit on the lounge next to each other and start talking.

"Would you like to come to the movies with me tonight?" he asks. You look at him confusingly, wondering why he would ask you to go anywhere with him.

"I'd love to, but I can't. I have no money for anything..." you say, holding back tears. You feel so pathetic, so useless. Why would he ask someone like you out? You were poor, have no house, clothes, or even a family.

"Don't be silly, I'll buy you a ticket and some snacks. There's no way i would let you pay anyway." He says, as he smiles.

"But i will feel bad..." you begin to say. You jump slightly as he rests his hand on yours.  
"Don't feel bad. I'm doing all this because i want to, not because i expect anything back."

Your heart pounds as he holds your hand. You weren't used to affection. There weren't many occasions through your childhood when you experienced it. He could tell you were nervous, and a little scared. "Are you ok?" he asked sympathetically.

"Yeah, sorry..." you reply. He pulls you to your feet and grabs hold of your other hand. 

"Did you want to go for a walk?" he asks, as he looks into your eyes. You smile softly, and nod your head. "I'd like that."

As you walk down the streets of Konoha, he lets you pat and play with his dog Akamaru. "He's so cute!" you say as you let akamaru lick your hand.

"Yeah, he gets that a lot." He replies, giving him a pat on the head. He rests his hands in his pockets and looks up to the sky.

"So, i guess a pretty girl like you has boy's asking her out all the time, right?" he asks with a smile on his face.

"I wouldn't say i was pretty..." you say as you glance down to the ground. "Actually, I think I'm the furthest thing from it."

"What? Are you serious? If you ask me, I think you're the prettiest girl I have ever seen." He says as he looks into your eyes.  
You disagree with him. You hate the way you look. You can barely stand to look into a mirror and see your reflection. You just saw a weak, worthless girl who couldn't do anything but throw a few punches. 

"You don't agree with me do you." he says softly. You look up at him, and look into his eyes. You shake your head, and a tear rolls town your cheek. "Well," he says as he wipes away your tear. "I guess i will have to keep telling you that until you do."

By the time you got back from your walk, it was six o' clock. You have a shower, and get dressed to go to the movies. When you arrive, he buys you your ticket and you make your way into the movie. Its a romantic one, crossed with a little bit of comedy.  
During the movie, you feel him put his arm around your shoulders. You jump slightly, but then become more comfortable as the movie continues. When it finished, he turns to you and smiles sweetly.

"Did you like it?" he asks.

"It was great, thank you so much for bringing Me." You reply. You both sit and stare at each other for a while, until he moves in to kiss you. You tense up, and your heart starts to beat faster and faster. Your body freezes He kisses you slowly, and with so much care. You pull away, slightly stunned at his actions. You wanted to continue, but your heart was telling you that you weren't good enough for him.

"'It's ok ray, don't be scared." He says as he leans in again.

"It's not that..." you say quietly. "Kiba, you can do so much better than me." 

"But I don't want anyone else Raydelle. I really like you."

Your heart melts, and tiny a wave of happiness washes over you. He kisses you again, as he gently cradles your face. It feels good, it feels like something you have long awaited but never had.

He walks you back to his house hand in hand. You both walk in and get ready for bed, except tonight he decides to lie next to you. He cuddles you from behind and can feel your heart beating, and your body slightly shakes with nerves.

"You're nervous, aren't you Ray..." he whispers in your ear. "I take it that you're not used to affection... But it's ok; I'm not going to try anything. Just relax... I'm not going to hurt you."

You take a deep breath. You want to trust him, and believe him, but it's hard for you. You're not used to being treated like this, and it may take a while before you can accept it. You find it hard to let people in.

"I'm sorry kiba..." you say as you turn to face him. You both lay on your sides looking into each other's eyes. "I'm not used to this. All this is going to take a while to sink in... It's not your fault though." You say, your voice trembling.

"Ray..." he whispers softly. "Can you tell me what happened...? Why you feel like you are so much lower than everyone else? Because I am going to tell you one thing. You're not lower than anybody. I think you're just as equal to everyone in this village."

He takes hold of your hand and grips it tight. Again you flinch, and try and think of something to say but nothing comes to mind. You have never spoken about this with anyone so it's kinda difficult.

"When i was young...." you begin to say, your voice trembling with worry.

"It's ok Raydelle, you can trust me."

You exhale, and look into his eyes.  
"When I was a little girl, my dad used to beat me. My mum died when I was born, and I guess my dad blamed her death on me. He used to drink a lot, and when he came home from work he took all his anger out on me... He never called me his daughter, but he alway's called me worthless, good-for-nothing and pathetic. There was one time he hit me so hard I ended up in hospital. When I was released two weeks later, my house had burned down, and my father died in the accident. I was left with no home, no clothes, no money and no family to help me. I was alone and that's why it's so difficult for me to embrace affection. Every time you touch me I'm afraid you're going to hit me, just like my dad used to..."

you are trying so hard to hold back your tears that you are forcing your eyes shut. You feel a hand caress your face gently, and you find yourself starting to relax.

"Ray," Kiba says softly. "I'm sorry you had to go through all that. But I want you to know that there isn't a bone in my body that would hurt you. I will take care of you, I promise."

He kisses you slowly, so gently that you think you are dreaming. And you find for the first time in a long time, you're slightly happy.

**(3 months later. You (Raydelle) now are renting an apartment in Konoha, and your still with Kiba. Your also friends with everyone; Naruto, Ino, Hinata, Shikamaru, Sakura, Temari, Gara, Kankuro, Saskue, ect. )**

"So do you like your new house Raydelle?" says Sakura, as she glances around the room.

"Yeah, it's nothing flash but it beats living on the street. Its perfect for now" you reply, as all four of you sit down on the bed in your bedroom.

"I think it's cool, and you're so lucky you get to live by yourself!" says Ino. You shift your gaze to the floor as you remember your past. _There isn't anything great about being by yourself..._

"So, what are we all going to do tonight?" says Temari, as she puts on some music. You all glance up at her and smile.

"What did you have in mind?" you say, as you know she has something planned.

"I reckon we should have a party. Let's invite all the guys over here and get drunk. It'll be fun." She says with a wide smirk on her face.

"I like the sound of that!" says Ino excitedly. "I can text Shikamaru and tell him to bring some alcohol."

"And I'll text Saskue to tell him to make his way over now." Adds sakura, quickly whipping out her mobile and tapping away on the keys.

"Why would you do that bill board brow? Do you think you actually have a chance with Saskue?" says Ino with a bitchy tone in her voice.

"Well i have a better chance than you, Ino pig!" bellows sakura.

"As if!" replies Ino

"Your just jealous he likes me and not you!"

"No way!"

"Yeah way!"

"No wa-"  
"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP!" yells Temari, agitated by Ino and Sakura's bitching. They both stopped picking on each other and turned to face you.

"So did you want to have a party?" asks Sakura.

"If use want to. I don't mind, but i probably won't drink." You reply.

"Great! I'll call everyone now" Says Ino.

Half an hour later everyone is at your house, socialising and drinking. You are all sitting around on the lounge room floor, playing truth and dare. You are sitting next to Kiba, Ino and sakura are both trying to sit quite close to Saskue, Temari is sitting on Neji's lap (and Kissing him-ALOT) Gara is sitting next to Shikamaru, Kankuro and Naruto and Hinata is sitting the opposite side of you.

"Ok, truth or dare....Shikamaru." says Saskue, glaring over at him.

"Argh, do i have to go." Moans Shikamaru.

"Don't be a girl." says Neji, as he holds Temari around the waste.

"Fine, I'll go dare."

"Ok, I dare you to... make out with Temari." Says Saskue with a smirk on his face.

"WHAT! HE CAN'T DO THAT!" yells Neji, as he raises his fist.

"Aw come on Neji, don't be a girl." grins Shikamaru. Neji doesn't know what to say as everyone starts to laugh.

"He got you there, Neji." laughs kiba, as he takes another drink of his vodka and red bull. By now, kiba was pretty drunk, along with everyone else except you and Hinata.

"I don't care, he is not kissing Temari." Replies Neji.

"But its not like use two are dating, Neji is only after a bit of action." Says Kankuro as he grins at Neji. "You're gross if you do." He adds.

Temari Glares over at Kankuro with an icy look.

"Just get on with the game..." she sneers.

"Fine, You have to Hook up with Ino" says Saskue to shikamaru. Ino's expression fades as she glares at Saskue.

"What!" she yells angrily. Sakura starts to laugh, but stops when she sees Ino's mad expression.

"Just do it already!" yells Naruto.

"I'll only do it if Naruto and Hinata do." Says Shikamaru. Every one shifts their gaze towards Hinata, who has gone completely red.

"I'm in!" says Naruto with a huge smile across his face.

"Wh-Wh-What?" stutters Hinata, who looks like she has just been painted in red paint.

"KISS! KISS! KISS!" chants everyone as they look at an embarrassed Hinata.

"Every one shut up." Says Gara, as he signals his hands for everyone to be quiet."I think Kiba and raydelle should show us how its done!"

Before you know it, kiba crawls on top of you and starts to kiss you. But this time it wasn't softly or slowly. He was kissing you with force, and with a playful feeling.

"Take it easy," you say quietly to him as you pull away. he leans in and kisses you again, completely ignoring what you just said. You feel uncomfortable kissing in front of everyone, and you also feel a little awkward.

"Kiba, i said take it easy!" you say as you push him off you. he hops off you and sits back down, laughing along with the boys. You feel kind of mad, because in the 3 months you have been seeing each other you have never seen him act like this. Hinata taps you on the shoulder and you turn around.

"Are you ok?" she says with concern. She could obviously tell you were pissed off.

"Yeah, i just don't know what came over him." You say bluntly as you glance over at him. He is sitting next to Naruto, both pushing around Shikamaru. He didn't seem to mind though, because he was drunk as well. Ino and sakura decide to walk over to where you and Hinata are sitting, after Saskue left them to go join in with the rest.

"Everyone is off their face!" Laughs Ino. "I think it would be safe if we should all stay here tonight."

"If use want, but everyone can't fit into my room so I'll have to set up some beds for you out here" you reply.

"Whats wrong ray?" says sakura as she notices your change of attitude.

"It's just kiba. He's being stupid."

"What do you mean? He was only mucking around with you before. He's drunk, don't take anything too seriously." She replies.

"Yeah," adds Ino. "They're all just having a good time. He was only joking, so just go along with it." 

The girls don't know you extremely well, so they don't know anything about your past or low self esteem. You don't really feel comfortable doing things like that with Kiba around them. You then start to feel like you're killing all the fun, and wrecking every ones good time.

"I'll be back in a second" you say as you get up and walk into your room.  
You reach for the bottle of vodka which is underneath your bed and open the cap.  
You mind races back to what your father was like. He was an abusive drunk, and that's why you are against drinking. You think that kiba may become like him, so maybe that's why you got annoyed with him earlier?  
_No one's going to think I'm any fun, so I should just drink it and join in with them...  
_before you raise the bottle, kiba enters your bedroom.

"Heeeeyyy babe" he slurs.

"What is it kiba." You say coldly. He's getting kind of hyper and is begging to fumble his words.

"What's up with you?" he asks as he sits next to you on the bed

"You're acting stupid" you reply.

"Gee ray, I'm just having fun, i don't know what I've did wrong."

"Before when you kissed me, i told you to take it easy cos you were kind of kissing me harshly and everyone was watching. But you didn't listen and kept on going until i had to push you off me. Want to tell me what that was about?"

"I didn't know i was embarrassing you Ray."

"You know that I find it hard to be like that around people!" you say harshly.

"Well I'm sorry! Gee, why are you getting so upset?"

"Because even though you knew it you didn't stop."

"I said i was sorry?" he says as he leans in to kiss you. You place your hand on his chest and push him away.

"Kissing me isn't going to make it better. You're drunk."  
He falls back on to the bed and run's his hands through his hair with frustration.

"Raydelle I already said i was sorry."

"Can you just slow down on the drinking?" you reply, starting to sound a bit calmer now. He sits back up and takes your hand in his.

"Just loosen up a bit. Have fun and stop being so uptight." He says. Your eyes start to fill with tears.

"What, you think that i choose to be like this?" you say, starting to raise you voice again. "I want to have fun, Kiba! You know about my past and you have the guts to say something as stupid as that!" you cry.

He holds you against him and presses your head gently against his chest. He reeks of alcohol, and it only makes you all the more madder.  
"Sorry ray. I didn't mean to." He slurs. You know he means well, but because he is so drunk it sounds like he doesn't mean it at all. It kind of sounds like a joke. He pulls you back onto the bed so you are lying on your back. He moves on top of you, and looks into your eyes.

"Can you kiss me?" he says. You don't say anything. You feel so angry that if you opened your mouth you would say something you regret. He leans in and kisses you gently. You kiss him back, as it reminds you of his sober state.

he pulls back and smiles. "So you're not mad anymore?" he says, with a slight smirk. Again, you don't reply, but just shift your gaze to the side. He kisses you again, for about 2 minutes.  
His kissing started to get faster, like how he was kissing before. You slightly press your hand against his chest, meaning for him to back off a bit. You then feel his hand slide down your shorts.

"Kiba, stop."  
He didn't.

"Kiba, stop. Kiba... I said stop!" you yell, as you push him off you. He rolls next to you, and shakes his head.

"What the fuck did i just tell you!" you yell as you storm out of the room.

**The next day...**

"So what happened to you last night?" says Temari as she helps you pick up every ones left over alcohol bottles.

"Me and kiba got into a fight. But i don't really want to talk about it..." you reply.

"Ok then. If you're still mad at him about the whole kissing thing-

"Its not like that." You say bluntly. "Don't worry, you don't understand."

"Fine, ill drop it." She replies. There was a long silence until she broke the ice.

"So did you see what sakura and Saskue did?" she asks.

"What did they do?"

"Sakura got so drunk that she literally through herself onto him and kissed him. It was pretty cute, but you should have seen Ino. She was furious! And then when sakura got up to make another drink, Ino did the exact same thing. It was hilarious."

You start to smile and picture what happened in your head. "That's so funny! But I think that Ino should just let sakura have him. She would more be suited to Shikamaru."

"Yeah, true that. But I had fun last night Ray. It was a good party, did you enjoy yourself?" says Temari.

You think back to the way kiba acted. You haven't seen him since last night, and you didn't really want to either.

"It was ok." You reply.

You and Temari say your goodbyes and she goes home. You close the door and go and sit on the lounge. You turn on the TV and watch some boring show on cooking or something, you're not really focusing on it. You are too busy thinking about kiba, and the way he was acting. _But maybe it was me that was acting weird, not him..._ you think to yourself.  
as you sit picking at the threads of fabrics on the lounge, the doorbell rings. You walk over and open the door, to see kiba standing there with an uneasy expression on his face.

"Hey Ray," he says. You look at him with an annoyed look.

"Hey."

"I want to talk to you about last night..." he says, as he slowly walks through the doorway and makes his way to sit on the lounge. You both sit your distance away from each other, but close enough to look into each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted..." he says regretfully. You just nod, and again started to pick at the loose fabric threads on the lounge.

"I was drunk, I didn't notice that i was making you feel uncomfortable and I feel stupid. I know you don't really like showing affection in public and I hope that you still want to be with me, because I am really sorry."

"It's not just the affection in public thing, kiba. When you were in the bedroom... I told you to stop what you were doing and you didn't." You say, as your eyes go glassy.

" I know... I am sorry about that to Ray; I should have stopped when you told me to. I didn't mean to upset you babe. I know you're not ready to do anything yet and I respect that."

He moves closer to you and hugs you. He strokes your hair, and you wrap your arms around his body. You didn't want to stay mad at him; because you can tell he is truly sorry. He releases you and cradles your face in his hands as he looks into your eyes.

"You don't hate me, do you?" he asks softly.

"Of course not..." you reply, and he kisses you gently, just the way you like it.

**3 weeks later.**

"You're beautiful, you know that?" says kiba as he brushes your hair off your face.

"Not really..." you reply, disagreeing with what he says. He always tells you how beautiful you are, but it doesn't matter how much he says it, you still think you're ugly.

"Raydelle, i don't know how many times I have to tell you it until you agree with me. If you ask any of the guys they would all think the same."

You shake your head slightly, and roll onto your side. _I'm_ _not pretty, I'm useless._  
He pulls you back so you are lying on your back again and kisses you. As he slowly pulls away, he smiles and looks into your eyes.

"But there is no way i would let any of the boys touch you." he says cheekily. You bear a tiny smile.

"And why is that?" you say.

"Because i want to keep someone as beautiful as you all to myself."

he shifts toward you again, and kisses you gently. You kiss him back and hold his face in your hands. He moves on top of you but still continues to kiss. You like the kissing. It made you feel like a better person, like you actually meant something. It made you feel important, and protected.  
you feel his hand slide slowly down to your waste, and he rests his hand on your hip. He embraces the soft touch of your skin, and rubs it lightly. You shift your self up slightly, hinting that you feel uncomfortable in the position. But he uses his other hand to stroke your arm, a sign to let you know to relax.  
As you continue to kiss, you feel his hand slide a tiny bit lower. Your heart starts to pound and you are starting to feel more uneasy. Then you feel his hand slide under your skirt and you immediately roll over onto your side, your heart pounding. You squeeze your eyes shut and try to calm down your nerves.

"Sorry Ray..." he whispers and he lies beside you. You nod your head but don't face him. His arms slide up slowly around your waste and he kisses your neck tenderly.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" he says, with concern echoing through his voice. You shake your head, but don't speak. He didn't hurt you. But it made you feel unclean, and somewhat dirty.

"Ray, can you at least face me? I just want to look at you. Just let me do that."

You don't turn.  
He was everything you would look for in a guy. Really cute, caring, fun- but you just can't stand it when he touches you. You love him, but feel as if he shouldn't love you. A voice in your head is always screaming at how disgusting, grimy, dirty and useless you are. You can't get it out, it just echoes away inside your empty heart. Kiba may put a smile on your face, but it isn't permanent.

"Why would you want to touch me Kiba." You say as you stare off into nothingness. Nothing can explain the feeling you get when he tries to touch you. You try to tell yourself he means well, but it just feels so wrong. This boy is going somewhere in life, he has a future, but is wasting his time on you, on this girl who has absolutely no ambition or use in this world.

"Are you kidding?" he begins. "It's all I think about raydelle. You are so amazingly beautiful; any guy would crave to have you. You are like a drug, i _need_ you. i need to look at you, need to touch you... god, I shake just thinking about it. Yet, i can see you hate it. I can see that look in your eyes, that look of disgust with yourself, and it kills me knowing i can't change your mind. I try my hardest to make you happy raydelle, but it never seems to work..." 

You don't reply, but turn around and huddle into him close. You embrace his warmth, holding him even closer into your body. Your breathing is in sync with his, your head rising up and down on his chest as he breathes. You say nothing, dropping the conversation and sharing the moment of troubled thoughts.

**Chapter 4 (1 Month Later)**

As you sit naked on the floor of your shower, you look at your stinging, glowing red skin. It burns from all the scrubbing you've been doing, Hoping that you could wash away all the foul memories and beatings off your skin. The words useless, ugly and pathetic ring through your head as the hot water pours onto your body. "Shut up! Shut UP!" you yell as you clutch the sides of you head, shaking it from side to side.

When you finally get yourself together, you wrap your towel around your body, making sure not to look in the mirror as you walk past. Steam fills up the bathroom, fogging up the mirror anyways, making a blurred and foggy outline of your body. You sit on your bed, beads of hot water still running down your arms and chest. Tears also run down your cheek, unnoticeable though, due to the other droplets of water which stream down your face. You could tell them apart however. Your tears were colder, showing no resemblance to the other warmer drops of liquid.

As you stay seated at the bed, you fail to notice kiba walk into your room. It's not until the door shuts that you stand up shockingly, blushing furiously as you sit half naked in front of the boy that loves you.

"Kiba!" you yell, as you do whatever it takes to cover up the rubbed-raw skin which was not covered by the towel. Some parts are even bleeding due to the pressure of the scrubbing.

He walks over to you, standing inches away from your face. Your heart pounds like a million drums beating at once.

"Let me look at you..." he whispers as he gently pulls at the towel.

"No." You say, turning away with your back faced towards him.

"Ray, let me just look at you. That's all I want to do. You can't stand it when I touch you, and now you can't stand it when I look at you? What do I need to do!" he says, starting to raise his voice. "Just tell me, straight to my face right now. What do you want from me?"

His eyes go glassy due to frustration and sadness. He pants heavily, obviously upset by your constant rejection.

"There is nothing to look at!" you scream. "There is not one thing beautiful or special about me that you just _have_ to see! Get it in your head, kiba. You don't love me, and you don't want any of this! I am not what you want, so stop wasting your time on me, please...." you weep. You collapse onto the floor, your back against the side of the bed and your knee's pressed against your chest.

"Jesus Fucking Christ, ray. I give up. You win." He says dryly as he storms out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him.

For about 15 minutes, you just sit and cry in your room, voiced still blaring inside your head_. Useless! Pathetic! Ugly!_ They all yell as you weep. You eventually throw on an oversize T shirt and some undies, and slowly make your way out into the lounge room to find Kiba sitting on the lounge, his elbow's resting on his knees and his hands pushed through his brown messy hair.

"I....I'm sorry kiba..." you whisper as you sit next to him on the lounge. His eyes are blood shot, the result of crying. Crying because he knows he can't make you happy.

"Do you have any idea...." he starts. "Any idea at all, how much I want you?" he says as he clenches his teeth. You don't reply, but look at the frustrated male in front of you.

"I would _kill_ just to be inside you, ray. I want you so, so bad. Wait, I _need _you so bad. When i tell you I love you, it's not because I just want to fuck you and leave. It's because I _Love_ you that I want to touch you. But why do I waste my time telling you that? You don't listen. You don't care. So just tell me, what do I have to do to make you understand that you are not some dirty, pathetic teenage girl? I would do anything ray, anything."

Tears roll down his cheeks, and land on his slightly shaking knees. Tears stream down your face to, as you try to think of something to say. But for the first time in a long time, your mind is blank. No words echo in your head, no thoughts scream at the walls of your skull. You stand up, and place your knees on either side of his waste. You're straddling him, looking deep into his piercing brown eyes. You feel him go hard beneath you, and he wraps his arms around your waste tightly. His body heat was warmer than ever, as he kisses you with the most passion he has ever displayed. He kisses you deep, both of his hands resting on your thighs. He stands up, with your legs still wrapped around his waist. He walks you into the bedroom, both kissing each other so furiously that you are both lost for breath. He takes off your shirt, eyeing at your breasts and silky soft skin.

"You're perfect." He manages to say breathlessly as he kisses down your neck and stomach. He feels your body tighten as he runs his hands up the side of your body.

"Just relax ray." He reassures as he continues to kiss you passionately. As his hands wonder over your fragile body, you feel yourself starting to relax. Before you know it you are both naked and lying on the bed, gazing into each other's eyes.

"How are you feeling?" he asks you softly as he lies on top of you.

"Nervous" you reply, cradling his face.

"Don't be. I'll take care of you, I promise. Just keep looking into my eyes and relax" he says as he wipes his thumb over your cheek. You nod your head and do what he says. You can't believe that your actually doing this. You never thought you would, because of how ashamed you are of your body and the person you are. You thought that sex would be the most horrible experience of your life, but so far it hasn't been all that bad. You feel good. Not great, but good.

As he slips inside you, you accidently dig your nails into his back due to the pain.

"Hey, I'm sorry ray, did i hurt you?" he says immediately.

It did hurt, but you shake your head and tell him to keep going_. Why am I urging him on?_

As he pushes gently inside you, he maintains his eye contact. Every push becomes that little less painful, and you find yourself relaxing even more. As your skin grinds against his, the sheets become wet from body sweat. He moans silently, saying your name every so often. When at last you finish, he collapses breathlessly onto the bed beside you, and immediately holds you closely against his body.

"Wow... That... was amazing. Are... you... ok?" he pants exhaustedly, as he cradles your head with both hands and making sure you look into his eyes.

"I.... I feel... Great." You reply, smiling.

"Wow. It's been a long time since i seen one of those." He says cheekily, eyeing your beautiful smile. As you pull his body closer to yours, his expression changes into a slightly confused one, and he holds you back.

"This is a completely different you." he smiles, running his hands through your long wavy hair. You lie next to him in silence, nervously awaiting the thoughts to come and start screaming at your skull. But you hear nothing. Just the silent panting coming from kiba.

"I... i can't hear anything!" you cheer happily as you sit up in bed, sheet wrapped around your breasts.

He looks at you with a confused expression and smiles happily.

"You can't hear what?" he asks.

You turn to him and lean in to kiss him. His heart beats against your chest, and his hands slowly run up both sides of your body until they gently nurse your face.

"Never mind," you say as you continue to kiss him.

"I Love you raydelle." He says as you both hold each other close until the sun rises the very next day.

**The End!**

**Thank you for reading, please read and review!! **


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